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Grieving Intimacy

When you think of grieving the loss of your partner, it is very evident that the emotions you feel are toward that specific person. But at some point in the journey, you begin to grieve what that person represented and the space that they filled in your life. Being married for almost 10 years afforded me a level of intimacy and vulnerability with someone that I had never experienced before. To go from having that type of companionship to not— is something that I may never get used to. There are many different types of intimacy that are expressed in a relationship. Sex is the most commonly talked about, but there are so many others. I read this interesting article that highlighted 12 different types of intimacy. I didn’t realize that there were so many. As I read each one and reflected on my marraige, I realized how impactful each type of intamacy is. To no longer have these types of intamacy impacts a person in a major way. At times, you just want to share your feelings with your mate and have them give you a hug and reassure you that things will work out (even if neither one of you are sure that it actually will).

Grieving your sex life is defiantly a big one for widows and widowers. The journey is different for Christians but even for those who aren’t saved, the thought of being intimate in that way with someone new is terrifying. Everyone’s walk and journey is different. Some people abstain and decide to remain single, some abstain until they are in a committed relationship and others decide that they would rather be in a more casual situation. Each and every person’s journey is different. For those who are saved, you may find yourself in a very difficult situation once the shock has warn off and your body wakes up. Something that was pleasing in the sight of God is now considered a sin. That in itself is a part of the grief journey that brings on its own emotions.

The grief and healing process is a continuum. As you begin to heal in specific areas, you realize that you have begun a healing journey that you never realized existed. When your mate is your best friend, there is an additional level of loss that you feel. Coming home after a long day and literally not having to open your mouth but he knows exactly how you feel is MAJOR! I wear several hats at work, so once I’m off, I’m done peopling for the day. No longer having that person to come home to and relax on the couch with after a long day is probably one of the hardest things. I literally pulled up at home a few days ago, looked at the house and just cried. I thought to myself: how is this my life? How did I get here? I’m supposed to be married. I am well aware that the assignment on my life is going to impact many, but at times it feels unfair that this is the journey I have to take. Many times I feel alone (even with everyone around). But I continue to press. Even when I have nothing left, because I know what it is like to spiral. I know what it is like to loose it. And I refuse to ever get back to that place. So for now, I allow myself space to process the emotions. I cry, I scream, I yell. I literally talk to the Lord about my frustrations while I’m frustrated! Because at the end of the day, this is the path that He knew my life would have to take for me to become who He has called me to be. I have to seek Him to help me through it. I guess that’s one of the lessons in this season. Really truly trusting in the Lord and waiting on Him for my next move and my next step. It’s difficult, and it doesn’t always feel good, but each person's journey is THIER journey. There is no specific way to navigate this journey. Just know that whatever your journey is, the Lord trusts YOU with it. He has equipped us for it. Stay encouraged. I love y’all 💙

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