Accepting Singlehood

ACCEPTANCE: The final stage of grief. 

But what happens when you are grieving something that isn’t tangible? Many times we associate grief with a person who has passed away, but there are many different types of grief. Different reasons WHY we grieve. Although my journey as a widow is directly connected to losing my husband, what I have now realized is that after you have healed through the grief journey of losing a particular person, you then grieve the life you thought you would be living at a particular point. 

When I began doing the work on myself emotionally to move forward romantically, I assumed that I would remarry quickly. But as the years passed and it seemed like everyone around me were in relationships and getting married, I continued to find myself single. And not single in the instance of being unmarried, but single in the instance that I am not in a relationship at all. Although I’ve dated in various capacities, I have yet to find myself in a serious relationship that could eventually lead to marriage. 

This reality makes it extremely difficult for me to navigate life at times. Especially when it comes to celebrating wins and even being a mom. I always envisioned a nuclear family. And I’ve been in a relationship most of my life, so I don’t know what it is like to not have “my person” to do life with. 

Five years have passed since I became a widow, and the journey has been a tumultuous ride filled with grief, growth, and resilience. As I reflect on this time, I find myself grappling with the duality of my existence: the joy of raising my daughter and the loneliness that sometimes accompanies my single status. Despite the unwavering support from friends and family, the challenges of navigating life as a single parent and celebrating accomplishments can be daunting.

The Journey of Widowed Parenthood

Raising my daughter alone has been one of the most rewarding yet challenging experiences of my life. Each milestone she achieves fills me with pride and joy, but there’s often a bittersweet edge to these moments. I am blessed to have a supportive network of family and friends who rally around us, providing love and encouragement. They are always there to celebrate her achievements, attend school events, and offer a helping hand. Yet, amidst this support, I feel the absence of a partner to share these experiences with.

Celebrating my daughter’s accomplishments, such as her first dance recital or academic achievements, often feels incomplete. I find myself wishing for that shared glance, the unspoken understanding, and the shared excitement that comes from having a partner by my side. While my friends and family celebrate with me, there’s a unique bond that I miss—the intimate connection that comes from being in a romantic relationship. 

The Challenge of Celebrating Achievements

In my moments of reflection, I realize that celebrating achievements in singlehood is a complex emotional landscape. The joy of my personal milestones are often accompanied by a sense of longing. I try and celebrate successes wholeheartedly, yet I cannot escape the feeling of loneliness that sometimes creeps in. It’s as if I’m constantly reminded that, while I have so much love surrounding me, there’s a piece of my heart that remains unfulfilled.

Many of my friends are in relationships or are married, and I often witness their shared joy during special moments. It’s a reminder of what I once had and what I currently lack. I find myself grappling with feelings of hopelessness, wondering if I’ll ever experience that kind of partnership again. However, through this struggle, I’ve learned to appreciate the friendships I have. My friends are my confidants, my cheerleaders, and my lifeline. They remind me that love comes in many forms, and while it may not be romantic, it is no less valuable.

Finding Strength in Acceptance

Accepting my single status has been a journey of self-discovery. I’ve come to understand that my worth is not defined by my relationship status. Instead, I focus on the love I have for my daughter and the incredible support network around us. I’m learning to celebrate not just her accomplishments, but my own as well. As I navigate this path, I remind myself that it’s okay to feel lonely sometimes. It’s a natural part of the human experience, particularly after such a profound loss.

In these moments of solitude, I find strength in self-reflection. I take pride in the resilience I’ve built over the years. I am a mother, a friend, and a woman who is learning to embrace her own journey. I’ve discovered new passions, explored interests, and invested in my growth. I’m learning that being single doesn’t mean being alone; it means being whole within myself.

Moving Forward with Hope

As I continue this journey, I hold onto the hope that love will find its way back into my life. I created a platform called “The Dating Willow” that was intended for me to share my journey of dating while being widowed to help me embrace the idea of singleness more. I know that my journey of being a young widow may be unique, but the journey of being a single woman is something that many can identify with. So until love finds me again, I will cherish the connections I have and the memories that Blue and I create as a family unit of two. I will try to celebrate every accomplishment, big or small, and remind myself that I am worthy of joy, love, and fulfillment—both as a mother and a woman.

For those who are walking a similar path, it’s okay to feel the weight of loneliness while also embracing the love that surrounds you (even if it’s platonic and not romantic). Accepting singlehood is not a sign of weakness but a testament to your strength. Together, we can celebrate our achievements, nurture our children, and face the challenges of life with grace and resilience.

I love y'all! Be encourged!