top of page

Young, Widowed and Dating Pt 2

Updated: May 15, 2023


One thing that I ask myself in every dating scenario is “what am I supposed to learn, and how am I supposed to grow during this experience?" Over this last year of my dating journey, I have learned a lot about myself. The biggest thing that I learned was that although I had healed when it came to the death of Chris, I was still grieving the void of a romantic relationship. The more successful I became and the more I was presented with amazing opportunities, it became more difficult to not have “my person” to share these amazing milestones with. What I didn't realize was that the road to meeting "my person" was going to be a little more complex than I anticipated. The different nuances of casually dating, exclusively dating, and being in a relationship were much more complex than I thought. Actually, I never even knew that these different levels in dating even existed. As you all know, I haven't dated since I was 15 years old.

When I Initially started dating in 2022, I was ok with a casual situation. The first person I dated was so sweet and really liked me. So much so, that he verbalized that he was interested in a relationship. This caused me to slowly self sabotage because I was TERRIFIED of getting into a relationship at that time. Although I had been a widow for almost three years at that point, I was new to dating and didn't feel like I was ready for that level of commitment. After dating him, I found myself in situationships, which were fun and casual for the time being. What I learned from those dating experiences was although I wasn’t ready for an actual relationship, I definitely wanted more than a situationship.

Going into 2023, I told myself that I need to figure out what I actually want, and realize that I am worthy of someone who will be there for me, support me, and pour into me. What I also realized was that if I wanted someone to do these things for me, I needed to have the capacity to do the same for him. I find that many times women think about the men they want, but never think about the type of women that they need to be in return. I had to realize that I needed to become who I wanted to attract.

  • I want a healthy man, so I need to take my health seriously.

  • I want someone who is emotionally available, so that means I need to actually allow myself to be vulnerable and really open up.

  • I want someone who loves the Lord, (well y'all already know me and Jesus are besties lol).

There is a difference between vulnerability and transparency. I am very transparent when it comes to sharing my journey with people, but when it comes to expressing my emotions to those closest to me, whether it is a romantic or platonic relationship it is a huge struggle.

This journey is really full of growth and self reflection. This is the season that the Lord is really stretching me! I have to have difficult conversations with who I’m dating and most importantly MYSELF. This causes me to find myself in the presence of the Lord often. I realize that there are many things that I am struggling with within myself that didn’t start on Dec 11th 2019 when Chris died. Many things that I struggle with are deeply rooted from childhood. Everyday I wake up with the goal of being better than the previous day. Expressing and processing my emotions in the healthiest way I know how and advocating for myself when it comes to what I expect from someone that I am dating. As the months and years go by, I realize that each part of this journey has its own path. And although it is exciting, it is also scary. Fear of rejection is one of the main things that I struggle with. I would imagine that many of you can identify with that. As I begin to walk through what it looks like to get to know someone and show them who I am, I find that I don't always get it right. And I won't always get it right. As I frequently say "I'm new here", so I just take it one day at a time and do my best not to overthink. I'll keep y'all posted, but for now I'm just trusting God and enjoying the process.



29 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All

Comments


bottom of page