Finding love again
It's one thing to make the decision to start dating. Which, by the way...is a lot more difficult than I thought it would be. It's another thing to realize that I actually want to me married again. I have learned a lot about myself in the short amount of time that I've been dating. I realize that there are so many things that influence the way I see the world. Being married for almost 10 years and then finding myself widowed in my early 30s is definitely an adjustment and much different then what I saw for my life. I had been with Chris since I was 15, so clearly dating as a teenager is much different then dating as a widow in your 30s.
As an entrepreneur with multiple businesses, I actually have a more complex life than many other single women my age. This makes me second guess how much I should share with men because I don't want to seem like I'm "doing too much", or intimidate them with the different roles that I operate in. I have now relaized that although work keeps me busy, I can also balance dating if the effort is recipricated. I realized that if I really wanted to be intentional about dating, then I would have to make some lifestyle changes. Because honestly the time I would spend going on dates, would really be the time that I would spend catching up on my shows and being a cat lady lol!
This is such a new journey. Embracing what it has to offer will be interesting. I’ve already learned so much about myself in just the small amount of time. There is still some work that needs to be done on my end, but I’m excited to see what this journey has to offer. And as I begin to date, I will take each experience as a learning experience. I will begin to learn what things I like and what things are absolute deal breakers. I will take each day as a new one and try not to go in with preconceived notions. Each person is different, shoot I’m different! The person that I am today is much different than the person I was a year, or even 6 months ago!
All I know is, whoever the Lord sends will truly be sent by HIM because these other ones that I've been coming across are clearly coming from somewhere else lol! I think in this season, I will have to really be submitted to the Lord and seek Him for guidence because I know my flesh gets real fleshy at times and it won’t take much for the enemy to send me a nice fine distraction with an athletic build, nice teeth, Sunni, and can cook. So let me stay prayed up because I can’t be caught out here slipping 🥴 As I go though this journey, I am sure to just allow the process to happen. I will have to trust myself and my judgment. One thing I realized over the last few months was that I also sabotage these interactions because the thought of being vulnerable and truly getting to know someone terrifies me. As I continue to figure out the root cause of why I am so guarded and afraid to let someone in, I will work through those things and begin yet another healing journey. The truth is, we are never done healing, we are never done growing, we are never done evolving. We have to hold fast to the Lord and continue to trust Him with our heart and our desires. He will lead, guide and direct us. I will keep y'all posted.
P.S. To all of my single friends.....I know it's crazy out here in these dating streets, but be encouraged and be open minded. The moment you stop looking for what you want, is when the Lord will send you exactly what you need! Trust me 🏾