Tomato....Potato

Many times in the Christian community, we hear the word courting thrown around. Many times we use this word interchangeably with dating. It was not until recently that I was made aware that the two are completely different. Although there are some similarities to both, the intentionality behind courting is much different than the fluidity and casual nature of dating.

Understanding the difference between dating and courting can bring clarity, peace, and alignment to your heart in this season.

Dating is about discovery

Dating is the space of getting to know someone.

It’s exploratory, observational, and discerning.

Dating asks questions like:

• Who are you really?

• How do you communicate, handle conflict, and show consistency?

• Do our values, faith, and lifestyle align?

• Do I feel safe, respected, and at peace around you?

Dating is not a promise.

It’s not a guarantee.

It’s an invitation to observe without obligation.

Healthy dating allows room for:

• Boundaries

• Pace

• Curiosity

• Discernment without pressure

Dating says, I’m getting to know you without rushing an outcome.

Courting is about intention

Courting begins when clarity has already been established.

Courting says:

• I’ve seen enough to pursue you intentionally

• I’m not exploring options—I’m focused

• I’m moving toward commitment with purpose

Courting isn’t casual.

It’s directional.

It involves conversations about the future, expectations, faith, and values.

Courting says, I see you clearly, and I’m choosing you intentionally.

Why the difference matters

Confusion often comes when:

• One person thinks they’re dating

• The other is acting like they’re courting

That mismatch can lead to:

• Emotional overinvestment

• Assumptions instead of clarity

• Hurt feelings and unmet expectations

Dating without clarity feels uncertain.

Courting without readiness feels rushed.

Wisdom is knowing what season you’re in—and honoring it honestly.

A reminder from your favorite Dating Willow:

You don’t need to court everyone you date.

And you shouldn’t date someone who is asking for courting-level access without courting-level intention.

Dating is where you gather information.

Courting is where you move with decision.

Both are healthy—when they’re named correctly.

Here's what you can ask yourself:

Are you currently dating for discovery—or courting with intention?

And does the other person see the season the same way you do?

Pray with me:

Lord,

I invite You into this season of my life—into my heart, my thoughts, and my desires.

I ask You for clarity where there has been confusion, and peace where there has been uncertainty.

Help me recognize what season I’m in.

Whether I am dating for discovery or moving toward courting with intention,

give me the wisdom to name it honestly and the courage to honor it.

Quiet every voice that brings pressure, comparison, or fear.

Remove the urge to rush love or force outcomes that are not aligned with You.

Teach me to wait with purpose and move with discernment.

If a connection is meant to deepen, let it do so with mutual clarity and consistency.

If it is meant to remain casual or come to an end, give me the grace to release it without confusion or regret.

Guard my heart without hardening it.

Keep me open without being naive.

Help me enjoy this season without losing myself in it.

Align my emotions with truth, my desires with wisdom, and my actions with peace.

Let my standards reflect healing.

Let my boundaries reflect self-respect.

Above all, help me trust You more than timelines, feelings, or expectations.

I place my love life, my future, and my becoming in Your hands.

Lead me with clarity, Lord, and anchor me in Your peace.

Amen.