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This journey y'all....


This healing journey has been so transformative in ways that I can’t even describe. And on my journey to wholeness, I realized one day that my body forgot that Chris was no longer here. One thing that I don’t hear many Christian widows talk about is sex. For me, getting married at 21 was a sigh of relief, because I could finally cross fornication off the list of “potential sins”. I was finally in the clear. But at 30 when he passed away, (although sex was the furthest thing from my mind) premarital sex was then added back to the “potential sin list”. Somewhere around year 2 I was defiantly not doing ok with this whole celibate thing. I was over it and honestly told the Lord “if Chris was here this wouldn’t be an issue but you took him away so🤷🏿‍♀️….I guess I’m about to be out here”. So let me pause there. Who talks to the Lord like that? I mean, looking back on this moment I had a whole bunch of heart to be just talking to Him all crazy like that. But in all honestly I do come to the Lord as me, not a representative with beautiful eloquent words, but my real authentic emotions.

Needless to say, I’ve just been out here struggling on the purity bus with the rest of my celibate friends. As a widow, this is something really hard to abstain from because you were so used to having sex (and tons of it) without any feelings of guilt or shame while married. The Bible literally speaks about young widows and older widows differently. Because the Lord knew we would be a problem lol!

As a widow who now feels single, I get convicted every time I see a guy in the gym with hoochie daddy shorts on (I thank the Lord for them by the way…they are my fave 😁). But in all seriousness, it is difficult trying to live pure, navigating the dating world (which I haven’t been in since I was 15 years old) and being patient for the Lord to send the person that he has for me. All this to say that, it’s been rough over here so pray for your girl, and also let’s stop shying away from the topic of sex. Whether you are single, widowed or divorced, purity is a very real thing that many Christians struggle with and it needs to be talked about more. Especially amongst like minded believers without judgment or shaming one another. As the body of Christ we have to be more authentic and share our experiences so that we can continue to strengthen each other on our walk.

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